Belief vs. Faith

I grew up in fairly strict Catholic household. We never missed church, always went to Mass on all holidays and I was always being dragged off to confession at least once a month. Oh, how I hated going to confession! Seems I was always repeating the same sins and was always so embarrassed. In fact looking back, I now understand that it was my embarrassment of going to confession that led to my separation from the church for so many years. Coupled with the fact that none of my friends were catholic, and those I did know I just never fit in with them and tended to hang out with all of the so called “bad” kids.

Religion was something we practiced on Sundays and Holidays and that was it. Actually back then it seemed like all of my siblings and my father just went because my mother made us. By time I was 15 I was spouting to my folks that I didn’t believe in confession and flat out refused to go. I had moved out by time I was 17 and became a holiday church goer. I got married had my first child and went through all of the practices of my faith because that’s all I knew. Still, I only went to church most times on the holidays. My upbringing just wouldn’t let me break completely away. Besides that in my mid 20′s I had come to the realization that I did believe in being catholic but I just had some issues with the aspects that didn’t fit in with my life.
Still, No one around me ever spoke about their faith, I never gave it much thought unless it was a holiday and in fact if anyone did dare to speak out about their faith they were classified as “weird,” bible thumpers and what not. Eventually 2 divorces later, none of which was in Catholic Church I finally found myself on the “outs” with the church. To my mother’s despair to say the least.

But, I still believed. In fact my oldest son went to catholic school through his sophomore year in high school and my youngest I started in catholic school but because of some learning disabilities moved him into the public school system. A decision I now regret!

By now, I was 6 years into my 3rd relationship, both of us had been spouting we were never getting married, but would just live together. However, there was this tug in my heart that wanted to get married again and I wanted done “right” this time. I tried many times over the years to get myself to practice my faith but time and time again just found it to interfere with my life and in fact just kept finding going to church boring. There finally came a time when I “needed” confession. In fact, it truly was a physical need. I was quite dumbfounded by the strong physical pull I felt. But it didn’t stay with me. On 9/11 again a true physical pull to be in the fold. Again, it only lasted about 2 months and again, I was bored and just could keep up the practice. Still, I wanted to make things right in my life and after 13 years of living with my boyfriend I found a way and we did finally get married and with the blessing of the church. But once again, I was still missing something. I still didn’t go to church, nor did I want to go to church. How sad. When I went, I was dragging myself, looking at the clock, waiting for the hour to drag by.

In the late spring/early summer of 2007 I got involved in selling home-based business. It didn’t take me very long to started picking up that most of the leaders in this industry contributed most of their success to a belief in their God. I kept hearing references on a daily basis, to prayer, thankfulness, and blessings. At 42 years old and though many jobs and different ways of life, I had never heard so much references o peoples personal beliefs on a DAILY basis. Christian leads? I am embarrassed to admit I didn’t even know what that meant at first. Conversation’s with prospects often brought up the Lord’s name in one way or another. It really set me to thinking.

Then one day, I was recommended to the Dani Johnson website as a place to order a fantastic script book. There was a lot more on her website than just a script book. I started to listen to some of her training audios. It took me less than 1 week to realize that I wanted to meet this woman. There was an undeniable pull that I was going to learn what it takes to succeed in this business of selling home-based businesses. I booked her seminar and our flights for my husband and I without knowing how I was going to convince my husband to go. I just knew I had to be there and somehow I would get him there. This was late June of ’07. Her seminar was in late August. I ordered her “Live in North Carolina” audio tapes and really started to plug into Dani Johnson. The more I listened the more I knew Dani was going to teach me the ins and outs of this business.

In 2 days Dani Johnson changed my life forever. Throughout her entire seminar all I could think of is that I wanted her conviction. Her absolute belief in everything she did and WHY she did it. Her WHY was so huge it encompassed her entire life. Not just certain aspects of it. I wanted that. I needed that. Why was it so elusive to me?

It was only at the absolute end that I knew the answer to that question. Dani didn’t reveal it. Her husband Hans did. In a closing statement to the entire audience Hans made a statement that was like a ton of bricks hitting me in the head. “Just because one believes does not mean one has faith”. Talk about an eye opener. Faith? Yes, I believe in my religion, but I had no faith. In my thoughts throughout the seminar, I kept thinking I wanted Dani’s convictions. One must have faith to have conviction.

Today, nearly 4 months after that seminar I have not missed but one Mass. More importantly, I actually enjoy Mass. It is now important to me to go to church. Not just my mother’s desire and wants for me. Every day, I find myself in conversations with my prospects and team members about faith & beliefs in my quest for faith. What I still find so absolutely amazing is how many people in this industry are not afraid to speak about their faith. They talk about their relationship with God. In fact is is so prevalent in everything they do. Is it just in this particular industry? Or is it the Law of Attraction? Am I just attracting these people in my life? Is it God’s way of bringing me back into the fold?

I have grown up fighting the feeling of not fitting in. It has been a part of me as long as I can remember all the way back to grade school. I so wanted to belong, somewhere. At this point in my life I know that it most people’s standards I am different. I still don’t know why but for the most part I am comfortable with who I am. I just seem to think differently than most. But I know enough about myself that at times I still want to fit in. It is hard to always be classified as different.

There was a reason I was so drawn to Dani Johnson, there is a reason that suddenly I am surrounded by people of faith. It is my first step (I won’t say leap) into faith. I will follow this path to see where it leads. I still find it uncomfortable at times to speak about my beliefs in front of some people but it gets easier and more comfortable every day. I know I have a long way to go down this path. I have no idea where it will lead and sometimes it’s scary. But it is not as scary as it once was. Even just a little bit of faith with your beliefs will carry one a long way.